Who do you think I am?

By Rev. Dr. Robin Blair, Chair, Commission of the Role & Status of Women (COSROW) | Email

When you think about your identity, what comes to mind? Your faith? Your vocation? Your character? Perhaps even your name?

For women in ministry, identity is still a living question because women in positions of pastoral authority are not yet what many people instinctively imagine when they hear the words the minister. Years of cultural conditioning, denominations that still do not ordained women, and media that has a male person at the graveside in robes reading Psalm 23 to the grieving gathered in black formal clothes. Although much has changed—and we celebrate that progress—some still struggle with their frame of reference to receive God’s Word when it is proclaimed by a woman.

I experienced this during my first appointment. After worship one Sunday, I stood at the door greeting people as they left. One woman intentionally walked past me without acknowledging me. Her husband quietly shook my hand and sort of looked down mumbling, “thank you”, because that is often what you say walking out of worship.

The next day I called her, hoping we could begin to know one another or I could hear her concerns or whatever was on her mind. She told me plainly: “I don’t think of you as my pastor. Our previous pastor was the best we ever had, and I do not believe women should be pastors, lawyers, or car salesmen.”

I have never forgotten those words.

They were painful to hear, especially as a newly ordained pastor filled with joy about God’s call on my life. But over time I realized the deeper sadness belonged not only to me. Somewhere along the way, this woman had learned that God’s call could be, or was supposed to be, limited by gender.

That experience has stayed with me for another reason. It made me wonder how many assumptions we carry about one another before we’ve even had a conversation. Assumptions about who can lead, who can preach, who belongs, what a name means, or even what God can do through another person. Those assumptions quietly shape the way we see one another, often without our even realizing it.

Take something as simple as a name.

Many married women take their spouse’s last name. I chose not to. My name is part of my identity, and my husband fully supported that decision. Curious about the history behind the tradition, I discovered that in the United States it grew from the English legal doctrine of coverture, under which a married woman’s legal identity was absorbed into her husband’s. It also meant that anything she owned like property, became his. While many women today gladly choose to change their names as a symbol of family unity, others keep their names to preserve a professional identity or a lifelong connection to their own history. Both are thoughtful choices, but the history reminds us that names have never been merely administrative; they carry meaning, identity, dignity, and stories.

Women have spent generations claiming the freedom to answer God’s call, pursue professions, vote, own property, earn degrees, and lead in every area of society. Our own denomination has now celebrated seventy years of full clergy rights for women—a milestone won through faith, perseverance, and the conviction that God’s call is not determined by gender.

So if your pastor is a woman, remember that she likely carries not only her own story, but the stories of many women who faithfully answered God’s call despite barriers placed before them. She has been appointed to walk beside you in your spiritual journey, not because of human preference, but because the Church has discerned God’s call upon her life.

My prayer is that we continue to walk together with our male and non-binary colleagues, our many and varied congregations, listening for the Holy Spirit and encouraging one another’s gifts. Whenever our assumptions are challenged, perhaps that discomfort is not something to resist, but an invitation to learn and to grow. We are fully capable of making space for grace.

Jesus’ command remains beautifully uncomplicated: “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34-35). Jesus only asks us to listen to him and respond with love.

That command makes no distinction based on gender. The Church has been carried forward not by the preferences of any one generation or gender but by the movement of the Holy Spirit through those whom God calls. It’s a beautiful thing!

If questions remain, talk with your pastor. I imagine she would welcome the conversation.

God bless you.

Rev. Dr. Robin Blair

Chair, Commission on the Role & Status of Women Upper New York Annual Conference